The $3,300 Wedding Cake

This story comes courtesy of my mother, Marge, Professional Wedding Critic.

A mother and father pay for their daughter's wedding, which is planned for the fall. In an effort to combat the economy and keep their retirement savings in tact, they opt for a Thursday evening wedding. The wedding package is irresistable. Prices are nearly half price and include absolutely every detail, including the wedding cake. It's the only way the parents can give their daughter a classy wedding in an expensive area of the country. True, Thursday is a difficult day for some to get to the wedding, and true again, far flung Professional Wedding Guests will grumble at the inconvenience caused by traveling on a weeknight. Nonetheless, it is obvious that this family is doing all they can to make ends meet. With the extra money they saved, they're able to pay for the grumbling PWG's overnight accomodations at a nearby hotel; as well as, breakfast for said guests the next day. OK - so they're not so grumpy anymore.

What does the daughter and her beloved do with the extra money that they're not spending on the wedding? Do they pay for their Caribbean honeymoon? Well, yes, sort of. They pay for the airfare and room, but fall short on add-on activities like watersports, tours, and special dinners. And why do they fall short? Is it because of the downpayment on their new home? Rent on their new apartment? Contribution to their IRA's? IS IT BECAUSE OF NEW FURNITURE, AT THE VERY LEAST?

In an overly cliched word...no.

The money, as the title of this post suggests, will go to a wedding cake. Not just any cake, mind you. But an ACE OF CAKES wedding cake; which, if you've ever once flipped on the Food Network, you would have seen the most amazing team of pastry-artists ever put on this earth. If you put Michaelangelo in an apron and placed a pastry brush and rolled fondant in his hands, you would have an Ace of Cakes masterpiece. They've done cakes for celebrity galas, huge corporate events and now, a young newlywed couple somewhere on Long Island.

The cake will be amazing, no doubt. It will be a recreation of tropical Mexico, complete with a bridge, replica of Cancun, white caps and tourists, including - you guessed it - the bride and groom. No doubt, a feature segment on the show. Here's the kicker - part of the $3,300 is for delivery of this work of art. So, to save the delivery fee, the bride's aunt will pick up the cake in Maryland and transport it to New York.

In an SUV.

With her husband, her bags, her gift, and whatever else she needs to lug for a full-day of driving.

Which of course begs the questions, "What if...just what if...she gets into a car accident? Or slams on her brakes? Or hits a pothole? Or drives over the speed limit? What if she stops at a rest area for a lunch break and it's unseasonably warm?" Is this for real????

To take this outrageousness to a whole new level, the couple has placed on their registry - all the add-ons they couldn't afford on their honeymoon - in hopes that in addition to 4 wine goblets, some unsuspecting wedding guest will also purchase a day of parasailing.

If you're reading this post and thinking, "Wow - I never thought of that! You mean Ace of Cakes can do my wedding cake too? How reasonable!" Then you're reading the wrong blog. If instead, you see the complete insanity of this couple's seriously misplaced priorities, then thank your parents for raising you correctly. And thank goodness you have the good sense to accept the cake in the wedding package that the banquet hall has offered you.

Predicted time until divorce: 2.5 years. We'll keep you posted....