Break Tradition – Save Money!

If you want a carefully choreographed wedding that reads more like a well orchestrated to-do list broken down to the minute, then stick with tradition. If you want to actually enjoy your wedding, then it’s time to tell all your well-meaning family members, even the ones coming from Holland who expect an 18th century clog-dance, to let it go.

In fact, it will be a great relief to your guests, Professional Ones included, to change it up. Surprise us with something new - or better still, with nothing old. The typical wedding reception reads something like this:

4:01 Enter bridal party

4:07 Bride and groom dance to carefully selected wedding song

4:09 Bridal party pairs up, many of whom will never see each other again, and dance the remaining notes of your special song.

4:11 Someone clanks a glass, followed by others, forcing the bride and groom to kiss.

4:13 Best man makes a toast.

4:17 Guests laugh uncomfortably at the best man, who clearly didn’t read this blog first, and made a complete moron of himself in front of 150 people.

4:18 Some idiot clanks a glass.

And on it goes. Go this route, and you’ll spend your honeymoon waking up in a cold sweat each night screaming, “Electric Slide. Now – Damn it!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written a lot about the importance of tradition, and certain ones, like “You may now kiss the bride,” should never go out of style. But when a wedding becomes so rote that even the flower girl knows the words to that inane cake-cutting version of The Farmer in the Dell, the wedding has become unmemorable. Why must I, the Professional Wedding Guest, wait three hours into your reception to dance for the first time? And why must you, the bride and groom, have to be on auto-pilot the entire night?

If being memorable isn’t enough to make you stand up and say “I’m not going to let those
savages lift me up on a chair!” then do it for your pocketbook.

· Ask 50 strangers on the street if they drink the champagne at a wedding and I guarantee that 47 will say “no.” The other 3 wouldn’t know the difference if you poured champagne imported from France or Schaefer Lite imported from Milwaukee. The banquet halls are “including” this in the package, but make no mistake – you are paying a premium for this perk. By omitting this entirely, you will not only save money, but save your Uncle Vito from knocking over his glass onto Cousin Greta’s sheer organza gown in his zealous effort to reach the bread basket.

· The cake is another place that could mean the difference between affording a honeymoon in Barbados or one in Newark. Many bakeries will now decorate the best 5-tiered Styrofoam cake money can buy (but not too much money) that will look stunning but won’t melt in the window. The top layer will be real – just in case you can’t do away with the whole “The Bride Cuts the Cake…” but the rest of the cake is in sheets in the back room. That is, if you even want to serve the cake. Ask those same 50 strangers about the cake, and most likely they’ll confess that they would much prefer a cookie or gourmet truffle over a piece of wedding cake. Money saved – lots!

· Centerpieces are beautiful indeed, but a huge expense. Ask your favors to do double duty as centerpieces, and you’ll save hundreds of dollars. A basket in the center can be filled with anything from fine chocolate in small boxes to jars of hot fudge. Add tulle that can be bought for a few dollars at a craft store, throw in silk greens, and instant centerpiece. Another idea is to purchase inexpensive candle holders and candles from the dollar store, light them in a circle in the center of the table, and at the end of the night, everyone takes one home. It’s elegant and practical at the same time.

Bottom line is that you don’t need to follow someone else’s script to have a memorable wedding, and you certainly don’t need to spend money on traditions that have no personal meaning to you. This is your special day – do whatever works for you.