Bridesmaids' Dresses

Girlfriends share everything from ice cream to clothes to tears. And from an early age (somewhere around 8), they have already selected the members of their bridal party. The Plan will include a groom (TBD), the rings, the cake and of course, the dresses that each best friend will wear. The plan often evolves from puffy pink princess gowns with tiaras to sleek black cocktail dresses, with every variation in between. Just prior to meeting the Real Groom (as opposed to the 8-year old version of Pretend Groom), the girlfriends make a pact to be as close as they are at that very moment, and to pinkie-swear that the bridesmaids' dresses chosen for every one of their weddings will be sleek, affordable and trendy. They will fit perfectly right off the rack and make every last one of them look like a supermodel.

Then the transformation begins. It starts when the first friend gets engaged. The new bride-to-be becomes obsessed with minutia (green napkins? do-it-yourself invitations? should Dad's new 24-year old girlfriend be invited? roses? top-shelf bar? will Auntie Bernadette drink herself into a coma?). Slowly, bits of information she once stored in her memory bank begin to disappear. First she forgets where she put her car keys. Later, she forgets what her car looks like. Finally, she forgets what a car is used for. It is a slow decent into Wedding Purgatory and with it comes countless casualties. The Plan slowly disappears.

Not being able to remember her middle name, the bride must look to outside counselors for advice and direction. And while the bride is aware that she has chosen a bridal party, she is not sure who they are and how she even knows them. This is why Bad Bridal Party Wedding Gown Syndrome happens.

The bride is at the mercy of a well-meaning bridal shop owner, a mother (who always felt her precious daughter was a dead ringer for Princess Di), and some other female family member who the bride was obligated to put in her wedding party but whose only agenda is to make herself look good, at all costs - even if this is not physically possible. The bride's brain has been replaced by something similar in consistency to tapioca pudding, and because of this she has long since forgotten The Plan.

Enter lavender empire-waisted-rayon floor-length gowns with lace trim and spaghetti straps. Enter a price-tag of $384 each. Enter 5 former-girlfriends with a voodoo doll in the bride's likeness. Enter a photographer who captures 167 photos of pissed-off bridesmaids with phony smiles and really unflattering dresses.

There is a solution. It's not my original idea, but as a Professional Wedding Guest, I have seen it live and in action and can attest to its simplicity and beauty.

Bride: Take your friends, along with your mother and the surly female family member you were obligated to put in your wedding party - to the bridal shop and pick out a color and fabric. Tell your friends to pick out whatever dress they want in that exact color and fabric. This is not a difficult task. Many designers make several styles of dresses in the same color/fabric. Let go of the notion that everyone has to have the same length, straps, neckline or waist. Every single bridesmaid has different measurements and I promise you they will not all look good in the same dress. They are footing the bill, roll with it! The result is stunning and interesting. Each woman will feel great about herself and it will be reflected in the way she walks down the aisle and in all 167 photos. This makes perfect sense if one of your bridesmaid's is pregnant, or determined to lose 50 pounds, or a child that will certainly grow in 6 months.

Most importantly, it takes the responsibility off of you, and allows a megabyte of space in your brain to free up and focus on something else. Like, what size heel should your shoes have? Make it your goal to put a stop to Bad Bridal Party Wedding Gown Syndrome - one wedding at a time.